I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
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