At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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