I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
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