Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
No stitches, just platelets and will power
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
