I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
