Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
Randomize
