If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
Randomize
