cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
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