i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
