Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
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