My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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