He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
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