Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
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