sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Randomize