I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
Randomize
