I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
Drake has all the answers
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
Randomize
