Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
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