i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
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