so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
