This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
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