hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize
