I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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