Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
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