just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
You need a sexual gate keeper
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Randomize
