Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
Randomize
