Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
