Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
Randomize
