No awkward lesbian experiences without me
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
Randomize
