I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
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