I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Randomize
