The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
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