allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
Randomize
