When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
This is my life. Enjoy the view
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
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