I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
Randomize
