there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
Randomize
