So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Randomize
