He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Randomize
