she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Randomize
