I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
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