so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Randomize
