she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
I just forgot I was standing up.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize
