he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
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