She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
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