there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
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