put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
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