we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
