I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
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