I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
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