Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
