Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
Randomize
