my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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