I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
Randomize
