Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
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