Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
