false alarm. still invincible.
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
Randomize
