Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
Randomize
