He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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