just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Randomize
