the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
Randomize
