Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
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