I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
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