i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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