Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Randomize
