there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
Randomize
