Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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