i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
Randomize
