you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
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