I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
dude i'm inner monologue high
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
Randomize
