im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
Randomize
