dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
A bitchslap is in order.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
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