My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
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