I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
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