U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Randomize
