We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
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