I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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