I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
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