you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
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