I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
Someone shattered a urinal.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
