Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
he's single and there are thong briefs.
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