By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
